Just A Dream (A Kaoru Hitachiin Fanfic)
by ScarletHitachiin
Summary: It all started when I was born. I was the second half of the Hitachiin duo. The uke twin, the innocent one. That's what I was told at least. Hikaru, my older brother, was always by my side. He was my rock, my world, my everything. I always felt him by my side. I loved my twin with all my being. I knew I could always go to him with my problems and tell him everything.
1. Chapter 1

It all started when I was born. I was the second half of the Hitachiin duo. The uke twin, the innocent one. That's what I was told at least. Hikaru, my older brother, was always by my side. He was my rock, my world, my everything. I always felt him by my side. I loved my twin with all my being. I knew I could always go to him with my problems and tell him everything. I knew he would always be there for me. Little did I know, my twin was just a dream. I was informed at the tender age of 5 that my older brother was stillborn. I was the only one. My futile rebuttal was "No, he's right here. See?" I would say while hugging him. He was there, alive and real. Our parents would simply smile at me and agree with me. When I turned 12, my parents took me to see a psychologist. Hikaru was right by my side. The therapist seemed to ignore him and only talked to me. Later, I overheard her talking to my parents. "How did he even find out about his older brother? You didn't tell him, right?" She asked. "No, we didn't. We didn't even say he had a twin or tell him his name." My mother said, wiping her eyes. I was crying too while Hikaru hugged me and proceeded to cheer me up. "It's alright, Kaoru. I'm here." He said softly. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia shortly thereafter. I didn't understand. Hikaru was real. He was breathing and alive. Why couldn't they see that? I'm not crazy! I have an older twin. His name is Hikaru and he's real. He looks just like me with auburn hair and amber eyes. He is 16 years old, just like me. There's no way he's just my imagination. I was led to a shrink's office... again. "Hello, Kaoru. Nice to see you again. How are you?" She asked me. She was an older woman with dark brown hair and large brown eyes. "I'm fine. It's good to see you too, Dr. Fujioka." I responded. "Good, good. Tell me, is Hikaru with you?" She asked, tilting her head. I nodded. "Of course." I replied. "Can you describe him for me?" She asked, jotting something down on her clipboard. "Sure... He's about 5'9" with auburn hair and amber eyes. He has pale skin, like me, and has his hair parted to the right." I said, smiling at my twin brother beside me. "So, he's identical to you?" She asked. I nodded. "What's his personality like?" She asked. "He's funny, supportive, sarcastic and amazing. He's always there for me." I said, smiling fondly. "I see. Can anyone else see Hikaru?" She asked. "Of course they can! He's real!" I yelled, outraged that she would ask that. "Calm down, Kaoru. I'm not saying he's not real. Has anyone ever told you he wasn't?" She asked kindly. "When I was 5, my parents told me he was stillborn and I was an only child. Then they saw him and apologized." The therapist nodded and smiled. "He's real. Everyone says hi to him at school and talks to him. We're in the Host Club and we have an act we do for our guests. Ask our guests, they've seen him." I insisted. "Alright. Thank you, Mr. Hitachiin. See you soon." She said as I was escorted out.

Author's Note: I am so sorry for this fucked up fic. ^^` This idea has been brewing in my head for a while and I was finally able to write it. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I love Hikaru, but I had to kill him off here for the sake of the story. I don't own Ouran by the way.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few weeks passed without any visits from Dr. Fujioka. It was a chilly spring morning when I was escorted to her office again. "Good morning, Kaoru. We have much to discuss." She said. I was forced into a chair in front of her, nearly blending in with the white interior of the mental institution. "I have talked to your former customers at the Host Club as well as your classmates. We even checked the school's roster. There was never any record of a Hikaru Hitachiin at Ouran Academy." She said slowly. I scoffed and laughed. "Of course there is. The teachers saw him." I said, waving her statement away with a dismissive motion of my hand. "Kaoru, they were pretending to see him. They felt sorry for you and played along with your delusions." She insisted. "Hikaru isn't real. He was born dead. You made him up." She insisted. I stared at her, my jaw dropped and tears threatened to spill from my eyes. " No. No, this can't be right. He's real. My twin is real!" I shouted, hands balled into fists. "He's real..." I sobbed. "He's not real. Your subconscious made him up as a guardian angel of sorts. A coping mechanism, if you will. It's fascinating really." She said. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Hikaru couldn't either. He looked at me with the same incredulous look. "Hikaru? Is this true?" I asked my reflection. "Of course not, little brother. I'm right here. Are you going to believe some lady over your own brother?" He asked, his tone mocking. "No. No, of course not. I believe in you, Hikaru." I said. "You can talk to him?" The doctor asked. "Can you hear him?". Hikaru and I looked at her. "Of course." We said. Her eyes went wide. "How'd you do that?" She asked. "Do what?" We asked. "You're voice! It sounds like there's two of you!" She exclaimed, scared. "There is." I said, angry now. "N-no. This can't be right! " She said. "This is fascinating! You can speak for two beings at the same time!" I had know idea what she was talking about . I looked at my brother, who simply shrugged. Hikaru snickered and began speaking. "No. We're both speaking for ourselves, lady." He said., speaking through me. The brunette doctor didn't know what to make of this. She began jotting down stuff on her notepad. Later that day, I was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. Isn't that just fucking great? My life is just a major fuck up at the moment. When I was escorted back to my room, I faced my older brother. "Hikaru, what should I do?! I'm not only schizophrenic, but now I have multiple personalities?! What the Fuck?!" I shouted, sobbing. Hikaru smiled and shook his head before walking towards me and hugging me. He petted my unwashed hair in a soothing fashion. "Oh, Kaoru. You're over thinking this. You and I know the truth and that's all that matters. Right?" He asked, his golden eyes staring down at me, warmth radiating from them. "Those shrinks are all a bunch of morons, brother. We know the truth." I looked up at my brother, smiling. He always knew exactly what to say. "Yeah. You're right. Thanks, Hikaru." I said, leaning into his touch and closing my eyes..


	3. Chapter 3

Hikaru and I woke up on the rock hard cot. How we both fit on it is beyond my comprehension, but I didn't question it. One of the workers had woken us up. Doctor Fujioka stepped out from behind them. " Good morning, Kaoru." She greeted. "Morning." Hikaru and I greeted. She didn't seem to fazed by our greeting as she wrote something down. "You have a visitor this morning." She said and stepped aside to let... no way... Tamaki walk in.

"Tono!" I exclaimed. "Morning Kaoru, Hikaru." Tamaki said with a grin. "You can see Hikaru too?" Fujioka asked. Tamaki turned to her, presumably smiling. I assumed he said something as well because the doctor nodded in response. "How are you doing, you two? We've missed you at the Host Club." Tamaki said, pulling up a chair and sitting across from me and Hikaru. "We've been okay." Hikaru and I responded. "I just want to get the hell out of here." I muttered. "They think I'm crazy." Tamaki tilted his head like a curious puppy.

"Oh? How so?" He asked. "They're saying Hikaru isn't real and that I'm making him up. That he's all in my head." I said, fighting back a sob. Hikaru gently laid an arm across my shoulders, rubbing my arm gently. Tamaki looked at me with pity. "How? Hikaru is right next to you. Are they blind?" He asked. Wait... First of all, Hikaru is behind me. "Hikaru's behind me, Tono." I said. "I thought you could see him too." Tamaki looked startled at my accusing tone. "I can." He said, wide eyed.

"You obviously can't! Were you faking it this whole time?! You think I'm crazy too, right?!" I shouted, baring my teeth. I couldn't take this anymore. "N-no, I don't!" Tamaki stuttered. I've never seen him so scared. "Kaoru, calm down!" Dr. Fujioka said firmly. "No, I will not calm down! I'm not crazy!" I shouted, tears springing from my eyes.

I felt warm arms wrap around my neck. I turned my head sharply, nearly giving myself whiplash. It was Hikaru. I turned and hugged him, sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. "Thank you for coming, Mr. Suoh." The doctor said, earning a nod from the blonde as he walked out of the room. Fujioka informed me that breakfast would be brought to my room and left. I was left to cry in my brother's arms.


	4. Chapter 4

After a while of crying, Hikaru dried my eyes. " It's alright , Kaoru. Not everyone can see me. " he whispered. I shook my head. "That's not true, Hikaru. Tono can't see you and Fujioka can't see you, but that doesn't mean everyone can't see you. There's got to be someone besides me who can see you." I said, I looked away from him for a moment. "Kao... you're forgetting that our parents can't see me either." Hikaru said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, but surely someone besides me can you right? Right?!" I said. Hikaru sighed. "Kaoru, you're not listening." He said. I ignored him for once in my life. Just as I was about to say something else, one of the workers walked in with my breakfast. She was a young woman, about 20, with long blonde hair and green eyes. She was dressed in a white uniform to show she was an employee. "Mr. Hitachiin? I have your breakfast for you." She said, bringing the tray towards me. I decided to test my theory.

"Thank you. Excuse me, but can you see anyone in here besides you and myself?" I asked. "Kao-" Hikaru began, I gave him a silencing look. "Why, no. There is no one here but you and I. I noticed your voice got deeper, are you sick?" She asked, looking concerned. I shook my head, forcing a smile. "N-no. Are you sure you can't see anyone but me in here? You can't see a boy that looks exactly like me right behind me?" I asked. "N-no. If you'll excuse me, I-I must be going. E-enjoy your breakfast." She said and ran out of the room.

The door slammed behind her."See, Kaoru? No one can see me but you. Shouldn't that tell you something ?" Hikaru asked, growing a bit annoyed. "What are you saying, Hikaru?" I asked, genuinely confused. Hikaru sighed. " Just forget it. Let's just eat breakfast and get on with our lives." He said and directed my attention to the food in front of me. I sighed and began eating. What did Hikaru mean? Surely someone can see him besides me, right?


	5. Author's Note

Sorry, guys. I'm sure you were expecting a new chapter ^^`. I just wanted to thank those of you who have read my story so far and reviewed it. I appreciate it. I just wanted you to know that and that, sadly, there's only two more chapters of this story. I'm sorry it's so short. Should I write a sequel? I'm not sure what it would be about though. Perhaps, Kaoru's life after this incident? Let me know what you guys think. That's all from me for now.

P.S: I'm probably going to change my username. I just don't think 'meowthlover040' sounds right for me :P. I might change it to ScarletHitachiin or KaorutheWriter or something like that.

P.S.S Merry Christmas, everyone :3


	6. Chapter 5

**Trigger warning: This chapter will include cutting, attempted suicide and just full on depression. Viewer discretion is advised**

They can't see him...This can't be... He's real isn't he? He has to be. He's been by my side all this time. He has to be real. I was tossing and turning on my cot, attempting to take a nap. I couldn't sleep. My hair was frazzled and my eyes looked crazed. I couldn't take it anymore! I reached under the cot. _Good, it's still there._ I thought as a pulled out the blade I had kept there. Even Hikaru doesn't know about this. I fished it out, admiring it for a minute. It gleamed in the dim light. A sadistic, sad smile crossed my lips as I dragged the shiny flint across my tender wrist. I felt no pain, just relief. The pain of it all... it vanished with a single cut.I It's official... I've lost it. I was so caught up in my momentary lapse of insanity that I didn't hear my brother yell at me. "KAORU! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Hikaru shouted, slapping the blade out of my hand before grabbing my wrist with one hand and my chin with the other. "WHY THE LIVING FUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS?!" He shouted, tears streaming down his face. "THERE'S NO POINT IN LIVING ANYMORE, HIKARU! MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE!" I shouted back, my face reflecting his. "Kaoru, listen to me. That's not true. " Hikaru said, wiping my tears with his thumb. He brushed my hair out of my eyes, staring into them. "I'm sorry you have to go through this, but offing yourself isn't the answer." He stated calmly, tears slipping down his cheeks. He smiled sadly and reached into his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief. He wrapped my wrist tightly, binding it with some medical tape. "It's not the best, but it'll stop the bleeding for a while." He sighed, sitting on our cot. I hugged him, sobbing. "Hikaru, do you think I-I'm crazy?" I asked, hiccuping in between my words. "No, no. Of course not, Kao. I don't think you're crazy." Hikaru said, sighing sadly. "I think it's time for you to know the truth..." he said.

"W-what do you mean?" I asked, looking at him. Hikaru sighed again. "I'm sorry, Kaoru..." He said. "For what?" I asked. "This. All of this. You ending up here, your diagnosis, everything. It's all my fault. I just wanted to watch you grow up and be there for you..." He said, staring at his feet. "Hikaru, what are you saying?" I asked. "You're right. Your life has been a lie, but it's not your fault. I'm not as real as you think I am. I'm dead. I was stillborn, I was born dead. You, however, survived. What our parents told you when we were little was true. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, little brother. " Hikaru said, tears streaming down his face. "All of this is my fault, Kaoru. This is why you need to let me go." He sobbed.

"What? Brother, what do you mean?" I asked, pleading almost. "Forget me, move on! How else can I say it, Kaoru?!" He snapped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What everyone said was true? All this hell I've been through was real? I got up and went to sit in a desk chair across the room. "Let me get this straight. What everyone around us said was true?" I asked tentatively, looking my supposed brother right in the eyes. He nodded slowly. "Everyone was right. Even Fujioka." He said, looking apologetic. I sighed and buried my head in my hands. "I just want you to be happy, Kaoru. That's why I'm telling you to forget about me. Forget I exist, live your life." Hikaru insisted. " No, no, no! I won't forget about you, Hikaru! I refuse to forget my brother, my twin!" I shouted. Hikaru shook his head. "You're so stubborn... guess you're like me in that aspect. " he muttered. "Fine then. If I can't get you to forget about me, I know some people who can." Hikaru said, taking my cell phone. "Hikaru, what are you doing with my phone?" I asked. He ignored me and was furiously texting someone. "You'll see." He muttered. He smirked at me before tossing my phone to me. What was he planning?


	7. Chapter 6

It wasn't until a few hours later until the doctor showed up again. Behind her was, to my surprise, the Host Club. I couldn't believe it! Hikaru had called them here via text message?! "Kaoru, you have some visitors." Fujioka informed as she stepped back to allow the hosts to step in. "Kao-Chan!" Hunny-Senpai cheered, running in and hugging me. Mori walked in calmly with Kyoya right behind him.

Tamaki was at the back of the group. "H-hey, guys. W-what are you doing here?" I asked, confused. "What do you mean? Weren't you the one that asked us to come?" Hunny asked. "Yeah, you texted us." Tamaki said. "Th-that wasn't me. Hikaru did it." I said. At the mention of my twin, looks of pity were sent my way. Kyoya sighed lightly. "Perhaps it's time for an intervention." He said, sitting down.

"I-intervention?" I asked. "Yes. Kaoru, you've been stuck here for a month because of this. Don't you want to go home and live a normal life?" The ravenette asked, looking me right in the eyes. "W-well, y-yeah. B-but H-Hikaru..." I said, looking at the floor. Kyoya sighed and got up, putting a hand on my shoulder. "It's time to move on, Kaoru. Forget him. I think Hikaru would want you to live your life, don't you?" He asked, smiling gently. He actually smiled... the entire time I've known him, Kyoya never smiled.

"He's right, you know." Tamaki said, smiling. "B-but-" I was cut off by the sudden appearance of my brother at my side. "It's time to move on, Kao. It's time to forget me and live your life. I just want you to know that even if you forget me, I'll never forget about you. Please understand, Kaoru. It's time to let go and leave me in the past, go live your life." Hikaru said, placing a hand on my cheek. I held his hand there as tears fell. "I love you, Kaoru. Never forget that, alright?" He said, wiping my tears away. "I won't forget, I promise. Hikaru, I love you too. Please..." I said, but he shushed me.

He smiled gently, kissing my forehead. "Goodbye, Kaoru. I promise we'll meet again some day." He said as he began to disappear. I watched him go, forgetting about the other people in the room. Time seemed to stop as my twin disappeared. It was then that I noticed the handkerchief the Hikaru had wrapped around my cuts was still there. There was something written on it. The cuts had stopped bleeding by now, but the cloth was soaked in the red substance. However, through the blood, I could make out a message. It was written in sky blue ink, Hikaru's favorite color.

" _Dear Kaoru,_

 _I am sorry for lying to you over the years. I was never as real as you would like to believe me to be. I'm sorry that you ended up in this mess. All of this is my fault, so don't blame yourself, alright? I love you, little brother. Take care._

 _~ Hikaru Hitachiin."_

I will, Hikaru, I promise.


	8. Sequel?

Hello all ^^. Yes, it is I, Scarlet :3. So, sadly, Just A Dream has come to an end :(. However, I've been thinking... I know, that's dangerous. Should I write a sequel? If so, what should it be called? What should it be about? You decide! I'll add a poll so be sure to vote! Scarlet out!

poll/polls_tab_ ?pollid=478130b -Linky


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